I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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