I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
