Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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