The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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