I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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