at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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