I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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