Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This is not my ceiling
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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