Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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