i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
