You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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