Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
