How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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