God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
