You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Randomize
