I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
