There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
