Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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