u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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