Will you blow on my dice?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
