Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
