sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
