were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
