at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
