Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
