you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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