not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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