Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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