apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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