My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How does one acquire holy water?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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