Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
