She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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