I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
