Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
