you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
