I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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