I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
