He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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