wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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