Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
