Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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