So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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