I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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