dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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