I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
