Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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