I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
