I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
