i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
