He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
