I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
