I'm gonna have a badass scar
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
